re-wording

And Wisdom is fighting for her life as the sons and daughters of eternity take their opportunity to vomit up truth, to vomit up beauty, vomit up love, understanding, peace. So that when it comes time to give a parting hug goodbye the ripples of the spinal chord are felt more than the flesh of grace, of creation, of knowledge.
Silence knocks us down on our knees, so we take our opportunity to stand - proud that the body has enough flesh to look good in a bikini, happy to offer a resolve of words: intervention, of confrontation of solution. Action in a time when inaction is weak.
Remember what they said? We were the children of their dreams. Words spoken from above. Words drowning in the noise of foolishness.
Wisdom that is rich in variety gets confused with the noise of conversation. So much that she is holding on by a roll of a dice, and gets lost in the snake eyes of entertainment - to make merry before the final crucifixion. Seeking is easy, but finding requires more than most can afford.
We were born, words of wisdom, words of promise, words of spirit, water, blood; but these words are still, are small, are unrecognizable. When they have achieved what they set out to do, and are called back to The Word, all that will be left is the absence of words - which is not silence, but rather noise.
Noise which allows us to dance to the same thump thump thump - so order, peace, civility can be maintained - trampling out the tribal dance of wisdom. A dance that involves far more than awkwardly bending our knees; one that cannot be learned through reading a book - but is primal, evolutionary but not changing, one that is learnt from an unwavering stare at the chief dancer. Box Wine, Spiced Rum and Coors Lite aid the dance of the noise makers - Her dance can't be aided by externalities, only hindered.
Words of acceptance lit the sky, visions of heaven filled their eyes - teach us The Word, that we may not speak noise. Teach us the Word so that she may be more than a dice roll away from vanishing. Teach us silence, so we may hear the resounding gong for what it is.

a few good men.

Two great early morning distractions, with 10% less fear.

"The only thing you respect is stupidity, you willing to die to stupidity"
"Your whole way of life is bullshit"
I saw this when I was 16, haven't seen it since - what happens when teachers go bad.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-C6JAbQlj4

I really think the best part in this movie is where he cuts off the guys finger. but they didn't have that on YouTube...


"WIth the exception of Mrs Price, there is not a decent human being amongst you: not one. Do you know what makes a human being decent? Fear. And therein lies the problem. Not one of you has anything to fear."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-C6JAbQlj4

for thought.

God hates visionary dreaming; it makes the dreamer proud and pretentious. The man who fashions a visionary ideal of community demands that it be realized by God, by others, and by himself. He enters the community of Christians with his demands, sets up his own law, and jusdges the brethren and God Himself accordingly. He stands adamant, a living reproach to all others in the circle of brethren. He acts as if he is the creator of Christian community, as if his dream binds men together.
When things do not go his way, he calls the effort a failure.
-dietrich bonhoeffer -

so...

five.

Five Best...Chinatown Songs

#5. “Shoot Out in Chinatown” by the Band

Shoot out in Chinatown
They nailed up every door
They're gonna level it to the ground
And close it up for evermore

#4. “Why Can’t We Be Friends” by War

I seen you walkin' down in Chinatown
I called you but you could not look around

#3. “Shore Leave” by Tom Waits

And I wondered how the same moon outside
Over this Chinatown fair
Could look down on Illinois
And find you there
And you know I love you baby.

#2. “Fat” by Weird Al

My zippers bust, my buckles break
I'm too much man for you to take
The pavement cracks when I fall down
I've got more chins than Chinatown

#1. “Chinatown Calculation” by Doug and the Slugs

Whoever the new mystery man is
I've got to admit, he knows his business
You're reading me now
From the right to the left
And it's coming out just the way you might expect
Chinatown Calculation.
That's cool with no regrets.
(Chop suey, chop chop suey)

Are we ready to believe again?

Show us the wisdom, show us truth. Cut the bullshit from our lives, and show us what it means to be Sons and Daughters of a living God.

Too often I think we dress ourselves up like our brother Jacob in a hope that we'll receive a blessing that will never really come. We've (I've) fallen prey to this idea that humility means to think less of ourselves than what God sees of us. No I'm not talking about an inflated sense of self. But nurturing this idea that we're 'worthless', 'powerless to affect change', that we can do nothing. Yes, Yes, we are all these things IF NOT FOR GOD.

Are we ready to believe again? Are we ready to believe that we are sons and daughters of a living God - to cut out the BS, or whatever it is you want to call it - of the world. Let's believe again - shall we? Let's trust again.

Are we satisfied with this blessing?

"Blessed are those who HUNGER and THIRST for righteousness, for THEY shall be satisfied. It's in the satisfaction (I think) of the sons and daughters that are the blessing. There are so many ways to misread this, I don't even wanna start.

It's not the world that justifies us - WISDOM is justified by her children. We are able to enter a whole NEW set of ideals, rules - the whole playbook has changed. We're being called to his heart - to be satisfied by HIM... Anything less than that..hmm..how do I articulate it - Anything less than that is ____.

Show us wisdom. Show us truth. Show us what it means to be satisfied by the "draw of God"


... a lot of these ideas are inspired by Mr.Upton, So blame him.

building a mystery..

To be a witness
 does not consist 
in engaging in propaganda,
 nor even in stirring people up,
 but in being a living mystery.
It means to live 
in such a way 
that one’s life 
would not make sense if God did not exist.

Emmanuel Célestin Cardinal Suhard

The need for peace

Begging, pleading and the like are more closely related to the false prophets who did such at Elijah’s challenge to them on Mount Carmel. The Holy Spirit is the Spirit of Peace. His presence in you will always produce peace – yes, in the midst of down town traffic. Even Elijah found that the small voice is where God spends most of His time.

This is why so many hear from God when they relax, or they are driving, working, or doing anything but pleading. If God answers us by our pleading, then he has just said we can earn His love. Peace before Him says we “trust” or have “faith” in Him.

John Paul Jackson

but a second hand emotion...

Love stings: it's messy and complicated. God's love seems to be a bit different. I really can't talk on this topic. It's late, my stomach hurts - and there are other things I want to do before the "day is done." Nothing really in my world seems to be black and white- I don't know how God's love works - I can't tell you its nuances - I can't tell you in situation A it will feel like Y. However, it's the one thing that I think oddly is the most clean, cutting, pure, element of life I can think of. It is very much an emotion, and yet, unlike our emotions, God's love seems to atleast be more consistent, solid, determined in it's motive, and direction. It hurts, it slaps people in the face - and then offers the hug. I'm not trying to be poetic, and not trying to conceptualize what people have done far more eloquently in times before. I'm trying to understand the situations around me. I'm trying to figure out why a CD has affected me so much. Why I've responded the way I have tonight to certain people and why I believe more than right and wrong, more than good or bad, more than anything else - we just need God's love.


"right now I'm so afraid and I don't think I've ever heard you, say my name. and I need to hear your voice, I need to hear you say my name. because these people want to kill my wife, my kids, and all for what? for a God who can't even mouth my name."
And he just began to cry.
And out of the silence he heard the voice of his father for the first time: "Never alone Martin, Never alone Martin. I never leave you" over and over - the song built and built - just that phrase. The first time Martin Luther King heard the voice of God.

The song now runs for 11:47 seconds. It's nothin more than this phrase over and over - some variation, some piano fills. And yet I've found it to be one of the most challenging songs I've heard.
I don't think you would like it. Baby grand, funky drum kit that's kinda poorly (read: cheaply) miked, a bass player and an odd flute. Songs are either 2 minutes long or 10. There's the canned prayer/talking - not stuff that makes for a good listen. But it's real, it's basic and it's true. It conveys something of God's Love.
And I know I'm bitting more off than I can write about - when I say that we don't know what God's love is like - we don't know how true a phrase like 'never leave you' can mean - because it's been splayed out like bullets of a .22 in the shotgun hollywood movies that surround us. 'Do you know your a child of God' to me - to take a rubbing alchohal analogy - stings, is clean and ultimately what we need to know more and more. But itseems like moreover we're content with hearing the opposite. Of having our wounds - our very real wounds - no matter how 'important' or 'minute' - but our wounds covered by a bandaid of sorrow.
There's that scene in Good Will Hunting where Robin Williams says to Matt Damon : "It's not your fault" and Matt responds with a laugh and a "I know", Robin repeats "it's not your faut" and Matt laughs "I know" , again "its not your fault" Matt, getting angry responds "don't fuck with me" and Robin grabs on, holds while Matt cries - "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault" - and I again as I'm listening to Upton repeat "do you know your a child of God, in the midst of anger, your the child of God, sons and daughters of a living God" over and over and over - and it's not an easy song to hear.
This is the kind of Love that I am in awe of - this repeating, free form, improvisitory - Love that is ultimately unachievable by me. And I mean that. Not "It's only achievable with God's grace, kind of Love" - Flat out - it's just not in me. At best I want to convey it. It's not mine, but maybe I can show people whose it is.
It's what more than I know, we need to hear over and over and over. Something about this Love doesn't allow me to stay where I am in my sorrow. Something about this Love can't allow me to listen for too long to lies. It's an uncomfortable love.
it's more than I should be writing here, now, on this topic that so many have written so much about.